wellllllll It's been a while since I've waxed poetic, and I guess that's a good sign.  It's been nice to enjoy the company of you ladies (and gents!) without having my "failure" at mk central in my thoughts.  I saw Leanne posted on the stages of grief, and it really got me thinking about this process.

Before I get started I wanted you guys to know that I 4.0 all my classes this term!  YAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

There was a time when I thought you could actually do Mary Kay the right way.  I have to offer that honestly.  And I have a suspicion that many of us felt that way at one time or another.  I had invested 3 years of my life believing or wanting to believe all that my senior director told me about the business...all the mentors I looked to for guidance...all the tapes I listened to...all the inspiring stories I heard at conferences....the purpose of those events is to sell you and resell you on the possibility that you CAN achieve in Mary Kay.  When I made the choice to step into this business, I took a chance on that possibility, and I won't lie to you and say that I wanted it to work.  Who wouldn't?

Getting in is one thing.  Staying in brings you to a different level of disillusionment.

As a director, I worked to convince myself and others that what was happening in Mary Kay was legit and profitable, if we worked hard enough we could do anything...it's the ultimate statement of freedom for a woman.  I CAN run my own successful business and -what did mary kay say- I can HAVE IT ALL!! That message was spoken loud and clear in every piece of recruiting literature, and was sold to me personally over and over again.

It's hard to walk away from that.

Let's face it.  If you recruited, you weren't selling Triple Action Lip Enhancer.  You were selling a possibility.  And someone bought it.

Okay, for me the bottom line was I felt guilty that I had convinced so many of the same lie I believed.  I wanted to believe that I hadn't sold an empty promise, but what I offered had more integrity than what my heart told me...it wasn't easy to face the music on that one.  In fact, it was just plain old humiliating.  I think that those who are still there, if they live in that place I did, maybe the pain of knowing that what we bought and sold was a lie is too great.  It's much easier, much more optimistic to cling to a hope that maybe we just got it "a little" wrong...

One thing I've learned is that reality is not a bad place to be.  Even if it may not be the rosiest of places!

I have found that God works in my life from places of humility.  So as painful as it may have been, I gladly release my control over my destiny for His purpose for my life.  If that means letting go of my pride, and you know it always does, then so be it.

One last thought.  The end of this journey is a wonderful life.  I have learned that so little of what I thought was important when I was in MK really was.  Yeah, coming to terms with it all really sucked, but I know I am a better person for it.  If someone ever came to me now searching for "something more", I think I could look them in the eye and tell them they have probably already found it.  Businesses, jobs, opportunities, those things don't really give us what we are looking for in life.  Our answers come in those quiet moments of reflection and when we listen to our hearts, and not the noisy nudgings of well-meaning friends who may just want us to validate their choices by jumping on their train.  I think I would be able to look her in the eye and say Just be true to yourself, and it will all work out.

Love you guys....let Free's Rambling cease!