Chaos,
I believe that I have forgiven him for the hurt his actions caused me and in some ways (this may sound really twisted, but my mind justifies his death this way) believe that he knew in his heart that he was not good for me or the children and quite possibly (here's the twisted part) death was his gift to us...........I look back now and see that through those last two weeks of his life there was a calm between us.  He visited our home the day before he passed (VERY unusual) and I believe that he was trying to make ammends because that day he acknowledged my husband and I as good parents and partners.  He showed a respect for us as a couple that he never had before.

I don't think I've forgiven him just yet for being so weak.......he could have been a great father, but instead made choices that will only leave my children wondering why they were not his #1 priority.  As a mother I want to protect my children from any feelings of inadequacy, but I also want them to know the truth.  There is alot of anger with him for that, but I know that what's done is done and cannot be changed, only learned from.  Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with me.

Thank you ladies for sharing your stories with me.  And for caring.    

Are you missing the man.. or are you..RATHER..missing your innocent, less worrisome youth and unencumbered days, ??? the days before reality set in....