Here goes Free again, getting all philosophical again! 

As I was driving to work today, I realized how draining it is to be in a profession where all you do is give.  I know there are many of us who are in service professions, and especially those stay at home moms...wow is THAT ever a service profession!?!?!

I think part of the appeal to people coming into Mary Kay is the promise of recognition. It's sold in every marketing presentation, right? And I think many women are drawn to meetings because they know there is that sense of "positive energy" that sometimes we only get in church, and sometimes not even there...the allure of spending time with people who will build you up and make you feel great about who you are is powerful.

Which of course is why I think so many of us feel wounded and taken advantage of by our directors and the people we knew in our units.  Hearing words of encouragement, believing that someone genuinely wants you to succeed, and then being dropped when that success doesn't happen...that cycle of manipulation is as poisonous as it is addictive.  Some of us have such a strong craving for that kind of love that we will go back again and again to get a taste.  It is one of the biggest reasons I believe I find it so offensive to hear MKers say "why didn't you just get out?  You had the choice, and now you're acting like a victim."  There were some compelling posts today on that very topic.

As this has been rolling around in my head for a while, I guess I just wanted to tell you all how much you mean to me.  It sounds silly, I know, to say that to a group of screen names, but I think some, if not most of you, will understand.  The recognition, sometimes in our "karma" is nice, isn't it? But I think it runs deeper than that.  It's the recognition that you are not alone, that our stories have commonalities, that in those commonalities we find empathy and sometimes we even get angry in each other's stead, and that helps too.  I appreciate you, I raise my glass to UYC for giving us a place to work it out, and I offer H8 one of her infamous "virtual tissues", cause I know you were feeling my love! 

Wow, Free, you hit my feelings right on the nose.  i definately could not verbalize it like that.  Gave you some well deserved love.
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Free, you can wax poetic anytime it's that true and that beautiful!

I think that's a huge part of why we gather here. He get to help people come out of their MK fog, we get to share ideas and stories, and we get to build each other up. There is more recognition and love in this group than I ever felt from my MK "girlfriends." Thanks for expressing it in words!

 

Free, you get some    Love  karma!  You better believe it's important to know others have gone through the same crap as you have!!!!!!!!!  Everyone here understands what the others are saying & feeling!!

  FreefromMK

Sometimes I think we had the same  Done.  Not possible of course but wow!  Honestly, the only thing that has come close to my relationship with her is being able to talk to you guys!  My relationship with Christ suffered but is back on track but since it was never gone, its not the same.  I'm not making sense.  I guess it has to do with getting immediate feedback.  We (modern ppl) are all immediate gratification junkies so it makes sense that the only way to replace a  that will talk to you in the middle of the night is with something like this.  I can log on when I can't sleep and chatter away and the next morning I have answers or at least sympathy.  With prayer I have to wait (imagine the face of a petulant toddler here).  In any case the positive reinforcement from y'all is a huge help.  It would be so easy to go running back for approval without y'all.  Anyway,  bighugs

My husband's parents are teetotalers, totally against drinking and he and his sister have hidden it from them for years.  He's 46 years old, for pete's sake!  It's not like we are alcoholics (although I was totally against drinking for years because I come from an alcoholic home), but we do enjoy wine with a good dinner, and a beer now and then....and a or two with mexican food. 

My daughter graduated from HS a couple of years ago and we had a big party...told hubby to buy wine and beer because we were having a lot of our friends over.  He said, "but our parents will be here".  I told him, "well, since I turned 42, my parents really don't have a problem with me drinking anymore!"  It was a big day, both he and his sister had a beer in front of their parents.

For us, it was a matter of maturity and feeling comfortable with what we were doing.  We don't get wasted, we don't party, but if we want a drink, I don't think we'll go to hell or anything.  With that attitude, we have managed to raise two teenagers who so far are totally against drinking and have no desire to try it and steer clear of drinking parties.

The reason I'm even responding is that I can relate to what you're feeling, somewhere you got the feeling that it's "wrong" and you should feel bad, but why should you feel bad because it's legal and you're not abusing it.....I've played that tape over and over in my head.  Now I do feel bad about the few times I've gotten a little too happy in front of people, but I think that's because I don't do it very often. 

Don't know if that helps or not, but at the ripe old age of almost 44, I will order a drink if I'm in the mood, even if I know the people I'm with don't drink.  Not that I always feel like it, but I think you know what I mean.

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I think a lot of the issue there has to do with how you were rasied concenring alcohol. My dad talked to our pastor long ago and he was told so long as you're not getting drunk, it's basically okay (you won't go to hell). So my dad will have an occassional beer when watching football or t.v. and he'll have a glass of champange at New Year's (if we weren't all at home doing sparkling cider). It never really affected us because he wasn't a lush and never got drunk or anywhere near it in my childhood. For those who are wondering, mom has one sip of anything and declares that it's warm, so I've never seen her have more than 2 tastes of anything!

My husband on the other hand is the grandson of a minister and he came up in a family where it seems drinking was either never done or if it was it apparently wasn't in front of them. Like MomOn Run's husband, he is uncomfortable drinking in front of his mother (he had a at his birthday party last month at a restaurant and she was there. It was a first!) We had 3 leftover beers in the fridge after a football party when we'd first gotten married and they sat in my fridge for months. His mother was coming over one weekend and he was like, "we have to pour these out- I can't let my mom see them!" They were made to feel extremly uncomfortable about liquor (MIL even thought about removing the built in bar at her house -which she never uses anyway- because she was afraid it may send the wrong message to guests! I've got a stocked wine cabinet at why house and could care less what "guests" visiting MY HOME thought about it!

Anyhoo, off my   now, but like I said, it's all about how it was handled around you growing up.
People are basically instilled with a sense of condemnation about alcohol.