So a lot of you helped me celebrate my excitement on getting out of MK and getting my blue check just a few days ago. I should be happy right?!?! i was until today when my $3559 dentist bill came. Now mind you that is just dental work that HAD to be done, nothing fancy. And that is with being friends with the dentist and having him work the insurance as best he could.

OK so i have a great full time job and make decent money for my age (i am very grateful) and I have been working part time at Macy's for just above minimum wage at night and on weekends. I have been working nearly 60+ hours each week, managing my household, and meanwhile planning my wedding (12/29/07)

So my current mood: OVERWHELMED & SAD!
Not only do i still have $4500 in left over debt from college, mk, etc but now i have an additional $3500 to pay to the dentist AND what ever expenses from the wedding that isn't covered in the budget we planned. Even with my two jobs and my penny pinching it doest seem like i can get ahead. This sucks! I am not a shopper, i don't go out and blow money ever, i don't really go out period and i have done as much cutting as i can...i am just so frustrated at this point.

I know most of you are probably thinking I am just being a cry baby..sorry, i just needed to vent.

i am going to pay the dentist in payments but it doesnt change the amount..only prolongs the torture. the blue check took my debt down to the $4500..and i thought to myself. Hey that is managable with the two jobs im working. Then i get the dentist bill. Then even tho i have cut every corner possible on this wedding i did a recount of the expenses and i just dont thing our budgeted amount is going to make it. :(

One other thing i forgot to mention is that although my future husband is supportive and responsible, he feels that unless it is a debt that we incur together, he shouldnt help my pay for it. So besides the wedding stuff, i am paying the rest of the nearly $8000 all by myself. I do understand where he is coming from but i guess it irritates me sometimes.

Uh...  Are you saying he won't help you pay for the dentist?  How long have you been planning this wedding?

That is one IMPORTANT THING!!!

Especially if you've been together that long.

Is he going to expect you to pay for your own stuff after you're married too?

*Inserting Unsolicited Opinion here:*

You should not be splitting your bills 50/50 if your salaries are not 50/50.  At a minimum, your portion/percentage of the bills should represent the portion/percentage of the total household income to which you contribute (ie:  you make $20,000 per year, he makes $80,000 per year, you pay 20% of household, he pays 80% of household bills).  By forcing you to pay over and above that percentage, he is putting you in a financial situation where you will always be behind (or playing catch-up) and without any money for yourself.  And by him not paying HIS proportional percentage, he will ALWAYS have extra money for himself.  There are some who believe that REAL men pay ALL the major bills (shelter, food, clothing) and women cover incidental expenses.  The most financially healthy couples I know completely BANK the lesser salary and live off of the larger salary.  That gives them instant savings and liquid cash for emergencies.  Given the current state of our economy, I think each couple should work towards this model and live below their financial means.

Now, I can almost agree with him not feeling responsible for bills you incurred before marriage that are 100% yours.  However, I am not understanding how he can expect you to pay 50% of the joint bills when 50% of the resources do not come through you.

Ultimately, given you are stretched so thin, I believe you really need to re-think the expenses of your wedding.  Money issues and debt can create such a strain on marriage, that ideally you don't want to start this new phase of your life together with ANY of this hanging over your heads.  I don't know how modest/extravagant a wedding you have planned, but it may do you well to consider how much money you can save by having a small (church?) wedding with just immediate family members, no reception/dj/flowers/etc, and a small family dinner to celebrate afterwards.  You can save the big reception and even a renewal of your vows for your first year anniversary, after you've had a chance to stabilize yourselves financially as a couple.  I know this may be your dream, but dream weddings quickly turn to nightmare marriages when money is at the forefront of every "issue" you may have.  I can sense a bit of resentment already in you, because his values about money (what he believes to be right/true/important) don't seem to mesh with yours, and his values make him SEEM unsupportive when measured against yours.

Before you take another step forward, have a long talk with him about the Vision and Values in your relationship as it pertains to Money.  Vision is how you both VIEW things and where you SEE yourself lifestyle taking you in the future, and Values are what you both deem to be MOST IMPORTANT (what is right/true and what matters most).  A couple can have a million and one things going for them, but if they don't share Vision & Values around the key indicators for a stable and functional life together (Money, Family, Sex/Romance, Work, Spiritually/Faith) then they are setting themselves up for failure.

Good Luck and I pray you find some peace and relief in this situation.

*Stepping off Soapbox...*

I totally agree with MK Realist - we either bank my salary or I spend it on family vacations, etc. but either way we don't depend on it.  I have told my friends doing the 50/50 split during the inevitable frustration conversation (one of my friends even insisted on it even though her hubby is a VP of a big company and she was working part time!  She was raised to maintain her independence at the expense of her sanity I guess! lol)  that one of the nicest things I have ever done for my husband is to "let" him take care of us financially.  He knows and I know with my education I could support us, but so can he and I let him.  We are celebrating 15 years together next week - happily!  I hope your future husband can see the unfairness of expecting you to pay half on less salary

Thanks All! We are working through it.